I know you're tired.

Imagine being with someone for two years. Imagine now.

It's not like two years is long enough to validate anything but it's just enough to experience a lot. I admit, it gets a little too much to handle sometimes. We're human. We get tired.

Maybe not me, in the sense that I can be fighting with Hamka for days yet fail to come up with a solution to our problems, I'll still raise the issues up till we get to the core of the it all and strip it right off along with it's roots. Fortunately and unfortunately, Hamka's unlike me. He's one who lets things slide. There are pros and cons to it but being his contra, I saw that as a lazy and thoughtless act. It just comes off as he's ignorant towards it and shows no critical care about how shitty I feel. When I feel too much and he feels just as much but doesn't choose to show it, we get tired.

We talked less. We vibe badly. We couldn't see eye-to-eye, let alone meet each other to spend quality time. While I'm the feeler, he's the thinker. It's a pychological thing where I need to feel secure so I'll push all external factors aside and face up to him in person, in hopes that we'll communicate better with no barriers. (shady and indirect WhatsApp texts) Again, unlike me, Hamka's not down for that. But that's him. Come on, it's been two years. Although we still do fight about the lack in communication and all sorts of things, I'm still learning. Maybe not perfecting the relationship. But at least to accept the fact that my partner is human and I am too. And we all deal with life differently yet still want to live together eventually.

The relationship isn't an uphill road with a great scenery as a reward when we reach it's summit every time. Good days feel like lying on your back with shades on, floating in the Dead Sea. Freaking effortless. But down the other end, bad days feel like trying to seek help in the middle of Sahara dessert with no telecommunication whatsoever, while the sand is blinding your sight. Now, imagine having to go through all that, sometimes both simultaneously, everyday for two years and hopefully(?) more till one of you dies.

Damn. Tiring.

Hello, love.

Perhaps already known by many, this is Hamka - sometimes 'Ali' to his teammates, 'idol' to a group of inspired floorball enthusiasts but always (insert all terms of endearmeant HERE) to me. We met in October last two years and I've only loved him more ever since.

I knew him as a shy extrovert. Cursed/blessed (?) with a potty mouth, one like a sailor's on certain days. Well-reserved in some situations, loud and clearly loved by many for his humour. I, too, was attracted. I admired his drive in life. It was rather simple: "I'll give it all that I've got." He's never mentioned it before but his will and dedication proved his ideas worthy. He worked in silence and let his successes speak for itself. The biggest turn on was how humbly he carried himself under severe limelight and glaring eyes, waiting to mock his failures. I liked his positive outlook of life. He constantly chose to see the best in the worst of things, people and situations. He never believed in circumstances. All he knew was to be his best. 'Best' in all things closest to his heart.

To be real, I've never come across anyone like him. Let alone experience him.

And so, for two years, I did.

Consistently draping medals around his neck, soared throphies and crowned championship titles, I've seen him beaming with joy. Happiest in his zone.

He gets upset too. With me, particularly. He fumes. He shouts. That sailor sort of a mouth? This is when that sailor sort of a tongue lashes out at me. Or even when the traffic's bad and we're delayed. Ocassionally when I'm upset too - like, "I don't understand why you're upset so I'll be upset with you for being difficult."

That's not all that he feels. I can't probably name all emotions and provide examples but I know this man, don't tell me I don't.