"I'd fight for your dreams."

Bismillah.

I fought for your attention then, 

I still do now.

I fought for your love then,

I still do now.

I fought for your heart then,

I still do now.

I fought for your masculine features then,

I still do now.

I fought for your witty brain then, 

I still do now.

I fought for us then,

I still do now.

I fought to keep you with me then,

I still do now.

I fought through everything and anything then,

Why would I stop now?

I used my bare hands to hold you as close to me as possible.

I grasped your waist tighter so you don't drift up too high.

One night is all I need to tell you these but let me assure you first, boo :-

They may tell you your arms can't possibly get any bigger. They might just diss you for taking a different kind of protein shake. They can tell you your girlfriend's way too hot for you. Or whatever... baby I'll be right here rooting for you every step of the way. I'll never judge you, not because of how much you mean to me. But because I saw everything - your crazy routines, your abs and the 'V-line' muscle down your core and all you had to go through to get to where you are right now. I'm not staying for your madly built body, but I love a man who works his way up and has a point to prove to me that he isn't just a pretty face with dreams unachieved. 

I might not wanna work out with you,

but I'll appreciate your body as you progress.

I might not be at the gym with you,

but I'll gladly spend cheat meals together.

I might not seem interested,

but honestly... I really am not.

But I'll do it for you. Because I know my man needs me.

Because the last thing a man wants is for his lady to leave,

when he needs her the most.

All the best, #AhmadAlHedir 

Make me proud, love 💋

"Remembering Melissa, my fair lady."

I rolled over the other side of my bed but she wasn't there. Oh... she's married.

I got out of bed cause I heard noise coming from the kitchen and I thought, "She's fixing breakfast." but it turned out to be our cat, Tammy. Oh... she's in the States now.

I went to the shower and I soon as I got out, I couldn't find her sorting my clothes out. Oh... she's gone.

Every morning, every day for 21 months now, I've been doing everything on my own but I kept forgetting that she's no longer sharing the same bed with me, no longer there to fix my tie for me. I guessed if I never took her for granted I'd still have her spend Christmas with my family this year. I thought if I never screamed in her face that night she wouldn't have to pack her stuffs up and leave, and I'd still have her bake ginger cookies during summer.

I mean, we used to be inseparable. She'd still lie next to me on the couch after an argument. But I cant quite figure out why that night she got so upset, she pushed me and started sorting her clothes out, sobbing away. Every step she walked further from me, I pulled her in.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to. I should have called yeah, I know I should. I'm sorry. Please." 

The tighter I held her waist, the closer I put her head to my chest, the more she struggled. She broke free and continued packing. I sat at the edge of the bed, tightening my grip on the bed frame. Where did I go wrong? Just because I didn't return her phone call? Just because I was out with my friends for beer? But that was a normal routine every end of the month, right? I knew if I let this girl walk out the door, she's never coming back.

True enough, she went and I never heard of her at all since.

But around half a year ago, I checked the mailbox for the first time since she left. Because when she was around, she was the one who read me my letters and bills. One envelope I held looked somewhat fancy, leaves an aroma of roses and pine trees. My heart dropped as I read on -

"You are invited to the solemnization of Melissa Watson and Adam Gritts."

The girl who used to vandalise my table in junior school, my high school sweetheart, the woman who was engaged to me for 5 amazing yet challenging years, yes that same girl who left me almost 2 years ago is getting married - to my best friend. I didn't cry, I couldn't. Because ever since she walked out of the door, I bawled every night. I had no more tears to weep.

Adam... you lucky bastard. I couldn't bring myself to New York to attend the wedding, it was too much to handle. So I wrote Adam a letter.

Hey bro. I'm sorry I can't be there. You should know why. Nevertheless, I'm happy for both of you. You guys must've known quite a bit about each other already but let me mention a few things. She likes to have tea before bed, so you should just sit there in bed with her and stroke her hair while she sips on her cup. She loves rooftop talks so do that with her once in awhile. She will snatch your phone and take selfies so just let her be. Call her every now and then and tell her you love her, she needs the assurance. Do all the things you're supposed to do. Cause I never had the chance to do all these much, I always forgot to remind her how much she meant to me, now take it from a man who has lost a beauty. Lastly, wink. Wink to her when she's staring into blank space, that'll make her heart flutter. That's all I can remember of her and what she used to love, I don't know if she still likes all these simple gestures but she did... last time. Congratulations and tell Mel, I long to see her. 

Melissa, baby, I can never forget you and everything we've been through. Especially how you made me feel. Now I'm empty. But the ghost of your soul still lives inside me.

"Forgive me."

"Everyday, for 6 years now, nothing changed. Everyday I woke up facing my dressing table, I saw how haggered I looked. Then I strip the blankets off my feet and put myself on my own two feet right before my full-length mirror, I saw how unproportioned my legs and upper body were. The way the excessive fats jiggle around my waist and thighs confuse me - "Why not you move up to my boobs and down to my ass?" I then grabbed my towel and walked to the bathroom.

As I took my clothes off and stood under the shower, I tried to scrub my feet so I bent down. I cant seem to reach it. Loser. After I was done, I dried myself up and went to get a fresh, new set of clothes. While I was coordinating the fabric I wanted to wear, I thought "Shit, I'll look like shit." Yes, I rumbled through my entire wardrobe for the perfect piece that could cover up all of my flaws. I ended up wearing sweatpants and oversized jerseys, well that made me feel comfortable, at least.

After I got dressed, I moved up to the dressing table. I brushed through my hair and yes, they were frizzy. I put tons of make up and I guess I could perform 'tayyamum' with all the powder on my face.
I picked up a shawl and started wrapping it all around my head, that's my hijab. I saw how my cheeks fell out of the piece of fabric, I look like a stuffed rabbit. Not cute, not cute at all.

I headed out of the house with my daily essentials in a bag, and left for work. But that day was different - I wore my favourite kicks. Made me feel somewhat raw and confident, like I could do anything."

You see, sometimes in life... there will be somebody who notices the 'love handles' round your waist, the thickness of your thighs, the dark eye circles and eyebags crowding your eyes, someone who says your skin needs a treatment, someone who laughs at how much you need to lose weight, someone who says you need to start wearing dresses and lose the sweatpants. Yes, you hate it when they remind you of your shortcomings cause you woke up every single day, staring at all of your flaws but you know there's nothing much you could do about it. It feels sickening, when you feel pathetic about yourself but nobody seems to care. They tell you to do this and that but they dont intend to help; well, screw them!

You're beautiful. You're cute. You're hot. Someone's gonna fall for your awkward smiles and laughter, someone's gonna look at your soul - not just skin deep.

Dont bother apologising, feeling sorry for yourself just cause they dont see your beauty. Above all of your shortcomings, embrace the beautiful heart you are blessed with. Love all of the creatures around you, cause yes we love you... despite all of the things you hate yourself for.

Bismillah.

There he goes - an empty soul, wandering aimlessly. He floats in mid air everytime I give him a pinch of my attention. I hope he likes the way my eyes light up when he greets me. I hope he doesnt mind that I adore his morning face, his daily humour. I'd listen to him day in day out, just so my brain could function as per norm. His neatly-built body secures every inch of me, from my skins to my bones. His crafty hands are pure magic, injected with lavender essence. So pure, so fine. He moves so swiftly, I cant even blink or I'll lose the tempo. He knows me like the back of his hand, every vein and every muscle. He knows me well, he loves me better.

Now there's me - the... What is there to describe me? But really, I just hope he loves me and wants me as bad as I want him. That's that and that's it. Dear God, keep this man for me or if not, someone better. If she cant do it better than I do, then I believe he's best alone. But as for now, he fits me best. I fit him better than his favourite sweater, oh yes. 

This one's for you, champ.

@ELhedir 💕

Homecoming.

Bismillah.

I heard of a way to soothe stress and depression, I mean the fastest way to relieve the pain. Drink tea. Any kind of tea. Most preferably chamomile. I didnt have any in the kitchen so I just made earl grey tea. I woke up this morning feeling pumped up a lil bit, so I thought I should calm my nerves down. I lost so much water the night before, I perspired a lot cause I slept without the fan ON. So while I was boiling the water and putting the tea bag into my mug, I thought "Why not coffee? At least you'll stay awake, no?"

Dumb. No. Coffee dont do shit. The caffeine somewhat forces you to stay awake, knowing well you havent had enough sleep - good, quality sleep that is! Tea tastes better, hands down! I went on fixing my cup of tea and while waiting for it to cool down a bit, I fixed my oatmeal breakfast. I didnt like the taste of it neither do I like the texture of it bleagh not my thing but it was healthy so yea 😖 I bought oatmeal cookies so I think that shall make a good replacement, true? 

Well here's the thing. I baked yesterday. But I didnt wait for the milk to reduce its temperature to room temperature but the cake turned out fine, edible at least. I picked up new habits like doing squats and cardio like how I normally did, its been a few years now but I kinda abandoned it for a lil while. Yup! That's all.

Good morning, dear self. 

You sorta dropped yourself off somewhere. Dont change. You're a beautiful being before anything like this happened so please stay the way you were. You're not used to being shouted at, not used to being reprimanded at for your own mistakes, not used to apologising because all these while there was someone saving your ass for you, not used to being told to do things without help, not used to losing in arguments, not used to being second in priority, not used to everything. Everything's changing now, but that doesnt mean you have to follow suit - you adapt. Maybe you have to start speaking up for yourself, own up to your own shits, stop being a cry baby, and to really do things on your own, BY YOURSELF. Never depend on anyone. 

God is there, wherever and whenever. You dont owe anyone anything. You'll die alone anyway. I can love all I want, whoever I want. But when the time comes, I have to be willing to let go whatever the reasons are gonna be. God promised death upon all the living things He breathed life into, I know. God promised the end of this world even Muhammad doesnt know when, I fear. 

"Love outside the love of Allah, is pain." - Today, this phrase made sense. Nis, oh come on, your life doesnt revolve around him alone. You know what you did? You actually fell so hard... too hard in fact. Yes, you are not self-sufficient. But Allah is. So if you need anything, Allah is closer than the vein that keeps your heart pumping. That's how close Allah is. Love all you want, hate none. Just dont grip things too hard cause there are some things even gravity cant hold. 

1:22AM

I'm sorry.

For all the things I said knowingly or not, for all the things I did purposely or not.

Yes I've never asked you how your day was, all I did was complain about mine. I'm sorry. Yes I've never considered how tired you were, all I did was complain about how shitty I felt.

I'm sorry I've never done anything you've done for me in return. I'll try again, give me 5 minutes.

I love you, despite all that we've been through.



I love the way you look at me - the wink, the glare and the stare. You make me feel like I'm all you see in this filled room.

I love the way you hold my hands - the grip, the twist and the turns. Its like our hands fit like gloves though they differ in dimension.

I love the way you pinch my cheeks - this, I cant explain. Its just exactly how daddy would do to me when he sees me, and it gets me all the time.

I love the way you hug me - the warmth, the heat exerted from your soul. It fuels me, makes my skin run. And now I realised, "Oh this boy's my kind of fun."

Yes you'll annoy me, and I'll scream in your face. But that's you. And I love you for that. For reminding me that not everyone's gonna be a saint, not everyone's gonna keep a lookout on you, not everyone loves you.

So when you find someone who loves you, willing to hold you when the world caves in, brave enough to hold the sky when it topples over... you trust them with all your heart that they'll stick through.

And I love you boo, for nothing but loving me the way I love you.

18th Birthday, 10 October

Bismillah.

Yesterday, I turned a year older. Finally certified legal to watch M18 movies! Birthdays being birthdays, of course, girlfriends go out! But I never knew these pranksters have got something up their sleeves, including the mister himself too!

Weeks before my birthday, I ever mentioned to my girls - Baba, Huda, Farah and Radyia that we'll go out shopping and have a good talk over dinner together and this meet-up was very major to me cause to have all five of us sit down and have dinner was rather hard ever since we each took different commitments other than work such as school, we became busy supremo! I even told Hedir that it was an all-girls event so he aint supposed to join us hahaha that was just being mean, I know.

Like any other girls' clique, we manage our own group chat on WhatsApp/ws. The plan was to meet up at Pasir Ris so Huda, Baba and I met up for coffee first. The sweet one, Huda, came with a sunflower for me! Ahhh I wasn't the flowers kinda person but there was once I was at work with her and I went round the whole flowerfield in search of a sunflower! So this sweetheart guessed well!

Oh, I was early. Before Baba and Huda came, Radyia bailed out on us saying she has to stay on at school till late and couldn't join us. Farah - worst case situation ever. She didn't even showed up on the group chat! I was like "Eh kesian pe aku." I never thought this was part of the plan! The surprise plan.

While Huda, Baba and I were having coffee, Baba's ummi called her up to meet at Bedok. She totally forgot that Baba was meeting up with some friends today and the matter was rather urgent so we just had to follow suit. Actually I was okay with anything, we could hang out anywhere but it didnt feel complete without the whole clan altogether. Having met Baba's ummi, we went to have late lunch at Pastamania. Now is the real deal - read on.

While we were having lunch, I wasn't suspicious of anything at all since these two were such good, pretentious yet beautiful people for the day! I dont normally finish my food quick since I always have some story-telling to do, so Huda and Baba just had to listen to me blabber away. The topic was rather serious but Huda kept laughing when she looked behind my shoulder, like as if something funny just happened. So when I turned around, I only saw the escalator and nothing else. So nothing was funny? Yea nothing. Well not yet!

When I turned back to face Huda and Baba, I heard voices singing "Happy Birthday" and they all sounded familiar. The first person I saw was Hedir with the cake, then Radyia and Farah coming along. I really thought these three couldn't make it since earlier during the day Radyia said she had school and oh yes Hedir said he's going to the gym. That morning, he didnt even wish me happy birthday so yea imagine how broken I was - on your 18th birthday your boyfriend decides to go to the gym. I actually fell for it because when it comes to gym, he's very serious. Yea I know I said it was an all girls' event but he didn't even wish me so that was the big deal! Radyia turned up, that made half of my day cause it was so hard to meet up with the princess. Farah too! Not replying texts was the worst she has done!

Two of our boys, Sufi and Hafizam are currently serving the nation so they obviously couldn't make it. But later that night, I received a text from Sufi. Being an elder brother, obviously he remembers my birthday. I actually was touched that he wasn't around but a text somehow made me miss him. I miss Hafizam too, no doubt!

So that was it. That was my 18th birthday, thank you guys for the whole surprise plan, the cake and the gifts. I love each and everyone of you to the moon and back. The little one is finally 18. <3

"Do you feel the ache?"

Bismillah.

I dont know what is this I'm feeling. Its like I'm happy and the next second I'm not. I cant quite figure out what is it that bothers me. Its like I'm okay and the next second I'm not.

Why do the people whom you try to impress never notices you? Sometimes you may have made an effort to look prettier and smell nicer but why do they always look through you like as if you were invisible? Why do you always feel ignored by the people you need/love/cherish the most? Why do you always have a silly crush on someone who walks past you like as if he saw nothing? Why would you bother looking up their Facebook statuses and tweets? Why would you go to the extend of stalking them? Why are you dissapointed? Why are you jealous? Why do you feel the heartache when he's not even yours to begin with?

See, you were too quick in pouring your heart out. You laid down your cards thinking this dude wont hurt you, 'cheat' you. You're lucky if he returns the same feelings but what if he finds you weird? Freaky? Psychotic? Ever thought about that?

You go home feeling empty, you lock yourself away, you curl up in bed and cry yourself to sleep. You'd eventually fall asleep. Nobody knows - but your pillows know. You drenched them in your tears. They sit there neatly tucked under your head thinking,

"Why'd you bother going after him? See you got your little heart broken."

The next morning when you wake up and get ready to leave for work, you were reminded that you're gonna see him again. He'll look at you the same way he did the days before, but will you too? Your heart crumbles like crumbs and ashes as he treats you like a stranger as he normally would. You cant blame him either cause this stupid boy wouldnt know whatever he has silently and painfully put you through. Then will you realise that the one you're after is just another mediocre, typical boy. There's nothing extraordinary about this loser, you'll say.

Everyone's gonna hurt you. They're gonna make you cry, they're gonna stab you till you bleed and let you rot to death. But remember, nobody can hurt you unless you allow them to.

: Radyiatul Mardyiah

Radyia/GB Queen/Penguin/Tijah/Arnab Gila,

You've been the biggest part of my journey in GB for the past month. --  Yang paling friendly, yang paling suka kacau aku, yang ada gigi macam abang aku hehe, yang pandai pujuk aku bila aku merajuk over the smallest of things, yang rajin bawakkan lunch/dinner untuk aku, yang sanggup share food dengan aku, yang paling ikhlas belanja budak gemuk ni makan, yang spend breakfast ngan aku, yang pujuk aku pakai cookies, yang bawakkan roll-on (ni priceless, serious!), yang selalu kata aku macam bestfriend dia dulu, yang sabar dengan aku bila aku buat perangai, yang selalu tukar shifts sebab nak satu shift ngan aku, yang ajar aku untuk sentiasa husnudzon, yang buatkan aku origami (tapi origami tu tak pakai tudung)... and the list goes on.

The previous days spent with you has been memorable, beyond what I thought was achievable. I mean, I never thought I could have someone who could do all those things for me, with me, within such a short period of time knowing each other. You're the closest I have to a sister - you shout more than you listen, you laugh more than keeping quiet. You advice, tegur bila perlu, you tell me things that I didnt know about you.

You're funny and talented, poise and classy, at the same time smart and a lil bit clumsy. And I'm lucky to have wasted my time being the one laughing with you, waiting for you at the mrt station before work and walking with you to the mrt station after work.

I'm sorry I have to remind you time and time again, how beautiful of a person you are, inside and out. I will never encounter anyone like you, ever again. I'm gonna miss the way you adjust your tudung, the way you walk, the way you eat, the way you laugh (duh, of course!), the way we do things together when you're around.

Wherever you are, I'll be there. We're a tag-team, like Bonnie and Clyde. I miss you on my off-days, I dont miss work but I miss you. Remember there will be this facilities uncle who'll always tell us that we are like Siamese twins? Cause we'd go everywhere together.

I'll miss you big time! I promise to smile and not put on that "masam face" anymore, to stay cool when deployed at the skyway (cause I usually get angsty) and to always bring food for myself cause you wont be there to feed me anymore.

I'll miss you, I'll never forget you and I'll love you to the moon and back. That's my oath to you.

P/s: This is not a goodbye post. I just wanna tell everyone that I love you, boo. ♥

Doa Pengubat Rindu (Siti Zulaikha // Nabi Yusuf a.s)

Tuhanku...
Seandainya telah kau takdirkan dia milikku,
tercipta buatku,
dekatkan lah hatinya dengan hatiku,
tetapkan lah kemesraan antara kami,
agar kebahagiaan ini kekal abadi.

Dan Tuhanku...
seiringkan lah kami,
mengharungi hidup luas ini,
ke tepian yang sejahtera.

Tetapi Tuhanku yang Maha Pengasih...
seandainya telah kau takdirkan,
dia bukan milikku,
bawalah dia jauh dari pandangan ku,
luput dari ingatan ku,
dan peliharalah aku dari kecewa.

Serta Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti...
berilah aku kekuatan,
melontar bayangannya kedada langit,
hilang bersama senja nan merah,
dan gelap pekat awan,
agar aku bisa bahagia,
walaupun tanpa dirinya.

Dan Tuhanku yang Tercinta...
biarkanlah yang hilang,
tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah,
meskipun tidak sama dengan dirinya,
biar sekuat mana aku menyintainya.

Aku pohon agar Tuhanku...
melenyapkan perasaan ini,
sekiranya dia ditakdirkan bukan milikku.

Tapi sekiranya dia ditakdirkan untukku,
ku pohon agar takdir,
memperkuatkan kasihku padanya,
selagi tidak melebihi kasihku pada-Mu.

Amin.

Aku akui, aku rindu. Tapi ini saja doa yang mampu aku panjatkan. Kau juga boleh cuba doa Nabi Yusuf a.s ketika merindukan Siti Zulaikha :

Ya Allah, sampaikan salam rinduku pada ( nama penuh sifulan ) sehingga menjadi kerinduannya. Amin

Tidak pernah aku terasa rindu kepada seseorang sebegini hebat. Allah, damaikanlah hati ku.

Rindu.

Bismillah.

Wahai dirimu,
telahkah kau mengingati ku?
Wahai dirimu,
telahkah kau terfikir tentang ku?
Wahai dirimu,
telahkah kau bangun sebelum subuh
untuk mengirim rindumu?

Nafasku sesak, tak menentu.
Tatkala aku sedar dari beradu,
Aku terasa rindumu.
Adakah itu rindu?
Ataupun hanya hawa nafsu?

Aku bangun, meletakkan tangan ku ke dada dan membaca Al-Fatiha.

Kerana... aku juga rindu dan termimpi akan dirimu.

Ya Rabb, tenangkan hati kami. Sampaikanlah rindu kami. Kalau benar inilah jodoh kami, insyaallah aku sabar menanti.

:')

School Then, Work Today, Unknown Future.

Bismillah.

I miss my school years. From playschool to primary school up to high school, a year in private college... and now I'm here.

Primary school messed me up a bit. I was a genius for around 2 years, then when year 3 came everything just took a dip. I didnt have many friends. I wasnt liked much, well maybe cause I was the new kid (?) I often lose friends, THAT HAPPENED A LOT. I wasnt as smart as the majority of the class. They scored almost every paper for almost all the subjects, topped the cohort and took prizes on stage. The only subject I was good at was Bahasa Melayu. I'm lousy at it now haha, I dont know why though! I hated Math, I still do and I'll always will. I just couldnt grasp the whole logic of it.

But hello I graduated from primary school with a safe aggregate of 200! (Its not much but I thought I'd fail every single thing -.-)

English: B
Mathematics: C
Science: C
Mother Tongue: A*

Not tryna brag but that's a (*) after my A y'all! Haha setakat bahasa melayu boleh lah, kalau kau lahir melayu tapi result bahasa melayu kau tonggang langgang ah itu aku tak tahu kenapa lah! Yeah actually I dont get it how some of my friends could've totally flung their Mother Tongue papers, I mean... nevermind. Nevertheless thank you teachers of Hougang Primary School! Alhamdulillah.

I then joined Serangoon Secondary School in 2008. I dont know if the school was just badass or was I gangsta material haha, sekolah tu betul-betul turned my life topsy turvy! My teenage years spent there was a mistake, a smart mistake. I met rude people, sweet infront yet beast behind kinda people, good friends, macam paham hipsters, yeah you name it - I've met them. I wasnt anything close to 'nice' back then as well, hahahaha. I mean you have to make mistakes to finally learn from them and grow up to be somebody useful. The problem was, for 4 hard years, I NEVER GREW. I still did all the crazy stuffs till O Levels came in 2011. I failed a big part of my education. I thought I was done. But still thanks to my teachers, advisors, counsellors, discipline masters and the people I've met along the way - you guys shaped me. Failing my major exams were totally my fault, I admit.

I went on to re-sit for a few important O Levels papers in a private college the following year, and I've met the most beautiful creatures. Ummu, my bestfriend. Nadia, my big sister. Mariah, the biggest sister. And Wani, the partner. They came from all over the country and I hoped I met them earlier in life, because if only they were with me since the start, life wouldnt have been so messed up. They helped put things back to where it should be. We were like soul sisters. Thank you babes for helping me figure out my ways, for helping me decide my not-so-bright future. I love you guys big time ♥

Though I didnt do just as I expected for the exams at the end of the year, I still walked on. I went unemployed for around 5 months since I got my results and guess what?

In a few hours' time will be my third day at work! Mad rad huh? I know.

I still cant quite figure out how the future's gonna look like from where I'm standing now, but in my eyes they look somewhat bright. Bring yo' shades, haters! *flips tudung*

Kecoh di Twitter, Instagram dan Facebook.

Bismillah.

Okay semua mesti pernah dengar tentang laman-laman sosial kan? Zaman millenium, pada abad ke-21 ni ramai yang dah pakai Twitter, Facebook (FB) dan Instagram. Dalam ramai-ramai manusia yang tweet, update status dan upload photo ni, ada jugak yang kita tak berapa berkenan. Berikut adalah masalah-masalah yang bakal kita hadapi di Twitter, FB dan Instagram.

1) "Eh makcik sebelah aku ni suka hati je tolak aku dalam bus."

- Orang gini selalunya fierce. Okay kalau kau fierce sangat, try ah tolak makcik tu balik. Dia kalau tak tumbuk kau dah cukup bagus.

2) "Meeting bf later, cabbing now to meet him." *bf adalah singkatan bagi Boyfriend. Kadangkala ditukar juga kepada boyfie, hunnybunny dan sebagainya.

- 24/7 cerita pasal buah hati tu bukan cinta, taksub rasanya. Kalau hari-hari kau jumpa dia, tiap hari lah nak membebel pasal dia? Benda yang haram kita buat terang-terangan tak rasa bersalah ke? Okay, to be in a relationship yang consists of lelaki-perempuan yang bukan mahram tu HARAAM ya bagi yang tak tahu :) // Aku tahu kau bercinta. Ya, aku faham kau rindu. Tapi boleh text/Whatsapp/DM/PM and communicate in private. Orang yang ter-baca convo kau dengan matair kau ni akan dapat dosa jugak sebab dah baca tapi tak menegur. Kalau aku tegur nanti kau kata aku kepo. Tapi itu hak aku, sebab aku taknak di akhirat nanti kau tuntut kat aku.

3) #foodporn #foodgasm #mouthgasm #lapar #kebulur #nak #mampus #gila #bersepah #hashtag #rimas #aku #tengok

- Okay? Dah? Okay aku faham kau lapar. Hashtag banyak-banyak kat caption gambar yang kau upload kat Instagram tu macam tak mainkan peranan tau. Orang nak tengok gambar je aku rasa :)

4) "Life's so unfair. Nobody needs me anymore. I'm better off dead. My mum's nagging. What a bitch. Okay I wanna jump down now."

- Firstly I wont deny the fact that I have encountered such a post. Excuse me, I believe your mum aint a bitch so stop calling her one. Remember "It takes one to know another." Being rude and disrespectful is the other issue, aint it? You're embarrasing your mum, membuka aib dia tu salah. Nanti kat Padang Mahsyar kalau Allah buka semua aib kau, agak-agak kau malu tak? Ni bukan followers/friends kau je yang tengok, setiap manusia dari umat Nabi Adam sampai umat Nabi Muhammad s.a.w tengok! Go get a psychiatrist or a therapist maybe?

5) "Just got myself blah blah blah..."

- Ada member aku beli motor baru. Dia sibuk lah bagitahu semua orang kat FB dia dah upgrade pakai R1 sekarang, aku cakap kat dia tak semua orang suka kita. Jadi mungkin bila dia 'excitedly' bilang aku about his new bike through a wall post, orang yang nampak mungkin ada rasa iri hati atau dengki? The next few days motor dia kena 'kacau'. Helmet entah kemana. Dia selalu park motor kat bawah, tapi on that particular day motor dia ada kat tingkat 2. Seat dah kena kelar, memang sah ada orang bawak motor dia pergi 'jalan-jalan'. See? Tak salah share berita baik. Tapi dengan cara tu orang akan assume kita berlagak. Jangan nanti rasa riak timbul, haaa dah lagi satu hal.

--- So that's it. Aku mengaku, I admit, aku pun ada buat beberapa points yang aku mention kat atas. And because of that, orang pandang aku lain. Aku hilang respect due to my tweets, statuses and photos yang aku tak 'filter off' sebelum aku let the world see and judge. Kita kena sentiasa ingat... maybe kita dah upload benda yang tak berapa elok then kita delete. Tapi orang yang dah baca, atau lagi teruk - dia screencapture post tu. Benda yang kita pandang ringan tu boleh mengaibkan kita tau. Mengaibkan kita mungkin buat jangka masa yang panjang.

So give it a few shots of your thoughts. Fikir dulu. Cuba elak dari buat orang menyampah, buat orang benci atau marah. Andddd bila berda'wah, stick to your point. Jangan ada unsur-unsur nak membahan orang je hahaha, salam alayk! ;)

Most-awaited Job Interview

I woke up this morning with an un-read text from my aunt. It says,

"Gd morning anis. Uncle Mamat ckp hari ni ada interview kat gardens by the bay. Dia suruh anis dtg dlm pukul 2 and  to call uncle for ur form."

I didnt even reply. I was freaking out, honestly. Cause I didnt want this job. I wanted so badly to stay at home, watch tv and just get fat. But my mum thought I was already dying cause my fats were choking me up (so dramatic) and I should get up from the couch and get myself a job.

So, I got ready and left for Gardens by The Bay (GB) with my elder brother (Sufi) who was already working there, he knew the routes so its all good. As soon as we arrived, we got a free ride on a cruiser who's driver happens to be Sufi's friend and a free walk on the Skyway. It was my first time so I was a tad bit 'jakun' hehe.

The interview started at roughly around 3pm. Sufi's supervisors were there to conduct the interview so he introduced me to them as his sister. My uncle was also one of them so I kinda got a bigger chance on the job HA HA HA. But looking at the turnouts of the applicants were overwhelming. Really. Most of them were opting for the post as a Garden Cruiser where they'll drive a buggy but seriously... out of the 30s only 4 of us including me were in for Admission Control.

Apa entah yang best sangat drive buggy tu. Lagi semua lelaki, nasib baik aku takde lesen.

Now seeing these people coming to fight for spots that are limited, I felt like I must secure myself this job. I felt that spark of pressure. I gotta win this.

AND I DID. WOOP WOOP! *shakes pompoms*

Maybe this is the start, princess. ♥

Thursday Routine.

Every thursday is pergi-rumah-nenek day - where I'll see my cousins, aunts and uncles, we'll gather around for dinner and stuffs like that.

There is a particular route to grandmum's house, which if aku lalu situ mesti langit cantik. Langit cantik bukan pasal aku yang lalu jalan tu but entah eh, it just happens.

Allah cantikkan dunya untuk kita, tunjukkan kebesaran-Nya pada kita, apakah kita masih buta?

Bismillah.

This is the first post and it shall not be long. Salaam and more write-ups coming up soon insyaallah, dah bye.