I grasped the pencil harder. Blasted the radio louder. I'm still here, writing about the love of my life. God knows what we've been dealing with all this time, I cant even imagine going through times as tough as this if not with the man I adore.
Still mesmerized by his suave moves, the way he softly pinches my cheeks as I take comfort in his chest, how he rubs my back when everything falls apart. I thought nobody could comfort me just as well as my dad could, but he did it just right.
My mood is rather hard to decipher - I'm all giggly one second then very angsty the next. But this gentleman over here has all my habits and tricks up his sleeves. He knows how I prefer silence, a shoulder to lean on and some tapping on my lap when I'm all sleepy. He can guess well too, when I'm hungry, when I'm in need of him to listen to my sad story when I lost my favourite water bottle - then later found by a security guard.
Sometimes I feel undeserving, I shouldnt even be loved by the world's most-wanted criminal. How hard I can be for him is beyond the universe and all that is within it. Yet, he's still calm and collected when dealing with my mood swings, midnight cravings and sudden outburst of tears. I never fail to unleash the beast in him. Though I peel patience off his skin all day, he still buys me chocolates, feeds me frozen yoghurt and reminds me the importance of not skipping meals.
We grew bonded. I knew his voice wasnt just answering back at me, we were connected. Somehow, it came to a point where I got addicted to his attention, to his voice and gaze. I can safely say we were feeling great to have let our voices run through each other's heads for close to 13 hours.
Its funny how I still go back to choose this person, after every smile and tear. Big wars, small and bitchy fights, I still choose him. Maybe its because nobody shuts me up better than he can, probably nobody can look good in sweatpants and a beanie just as he effortlessly can - and I am crazy about that.
Just as much as how I look up to this being, I know Adrian and Nadine will tell the world how he's their hero. I want Nadine to know what is there to look for in her future man. I'll say, "If he's nothing like papa, he's out." I want Adrian to know how being a family-man matters. His pops will show him that staying out for beer on Fridays isnt all attractive, he'll be taught how to be a gentleman first, and how a righteous Muslim should perform his duties.
I want them to know how we are gonna be there for their graduations - from preschool right up to their bachelor's degree. We'll go get Adrian's first bench, his first pair of Nike kicks and football boots. Nadine will learn how to tie her hair, do squats and maybe take up some cooking skills from me.
Yes, we're still arguing over minor things such as who gets the last cookie in the jar and why the fridge door wasnt closed shut. But how we roll with it for years will go on the hall of fame, when everyone else never believed in us enough to spare us even just an ounce of faith.
I need them to see how this was built - how this was made all concrete. We needed trust, love, patience and a whole lot of the other person to keep going. And no, nobody quits.
"True love is never losing the magic. True love is not leaving when things get hard."
