"Do you feel the ache?"

Bismillah.

I dont know what is this I'm feeling. Its like I'm happy and the next second I'm not. I cant quite figure out what is it that bothers me. Its like I'm okay and the next second I'm not.

Why do the people whom you try to impress never notices you? Sometimes you may have made an effort to look prettier and smell nicer but why do they always look through you like as if you were invisible? Why do you always feel ignored by the people you need/love/cherish the most? Why do you always have a silly crush on someone who walks past you like as if he saw nothing? Why would you bother looking up their Facebook statuses and tweets? Why would you go to the extend of stalking them? Why are you dissapointed? Why are you jealous? Why do you feel the heartache when he's not even yours to begin with?

See, you were too quick in pouring your heart out. You laid down your cards thinking this dude wont hurt you, 'cheat' you. You're lucky if he returns the same feelings but what if he finds you weird? Freaky? Psychotic? Ever thought about that?

You go home feeling empty, you lock yourself away, you curl up in bed and cry yourself to sleep. You'd eventually fall asleep. Nobody knows - but your pillows know. You drenched them in your tears. They sit there neatly tucked under your head thinking,

"Why'd you bother going after him? See you got your little heart broken."

The next morning when you wake up and get ready to leave for work, you were reminded that you're gonna see him again. He'll look at you the same way he did the days before, but will you too? Your heart crumbles like crumbs and ashes as he treats you like a stranger as he normally would. You cant blame him either cause this stupid boy wouldnt know whatever he has silently and painfully put you through. Then will you realise that the one you're after is just another mediocre, typical boy. There's nothing extraordinary about this loser, you'll say.

Everyone's gonna hurt you. They're gonna make you cry, they're gonna stab you till you bleed and let you rot to death. But remember, nobody can hurt you unless you allow them to.

: Radyiatul Mardyiah

Radyia/GB Queen/Penguin/Tijah/Arnab Gila,

You've been the biggest part of my journey in GB for the past month. --  Yang paling friendly, yang paling suka kacau aku, yang ada gigi macam abang aku hehe, yang pandai pujuk aku bila aku merajuk over the smallest of things, yang rajin bawakkan lunch/dinner untuk aku, yang sanggup share food dengan aku, yang paling ikhlas belanja budak gemuk ni makan, yang spend breakfast ngan aku, yang pujuk aku pakai cookies, yang bawakkan roll-on (ni priceless, serious!), yang selalu kata aku macam bestfriend dia dulu, yang sabar dengan aku bila aku buat perangai, yang selalu tukar shifts sebab nak satu shift ngan aku, yang ajar aku untuk sentiasa husnudzon, yang buatkan aku origami (tapi origami tu tak pakai tudung)... and the list goes on.

The previous days spent with you has been memorable, beyond what I thought was achievable. I mean, I never thought I could have someone who could do all those things for me, with me, within such a short period of time knowing each other. You're the closest I have to a sister - you shout more than you listen, you laugh more than keeping quiet. You advice, tegur bila perlu, you tell me things that I didnt know about you.

You're funny and talented, poise and classy, at the same time smart and a lil bit clumsy. And I'm lucky to have wasted my time being the one laughing with you, waiting for you at the mrt station before work and walking with you to the mrt station after work.

I'm sorry I have to remind you time and time again, how beautiful of a person you are, inside and out. I will never encounter anyone like you, ever again. I'm gonna miss the way you adjust your tudung, the way you walk, the way you eat, the way you laugh (duh, of course!), the way we do things together when you're around.

Wherever you are, I'll be there. We're a tag-team, like Bonnie and Clyde. I miss you on my off-days, I dont miss work but I miss you. Remember there will be this facilities uncle who'll always tell us that we are like Siamese twins? Cause we'd go everywhere together.

I'll miss you big time! I promise to smile and not put on that "masam face" anymore, to stay cool when deployed at the skyway (cause I usually get angsty) and to always bring food for myself cause you wont be there to feed me anymore.

I'll miss you, I'll never forget you and I'll love you to the moon and back. That's my oath to you.

P/s: This is not a goodbye post. I just wanna tell everyone that I love you, boo. ♥