#6th

Bismillah.

We're here today, at half-a-year mark, stronger than ever.

Earl grey tea and the sun at noon. Weights and benches. Kicks and jerseys. We've tasted almost everything, together. From late-night phone calls to mid-day arguments - we've graced through. From inside jokes to the signature handshake - we've showed them. From love to life - we've seen each fault and flaw. And despite all that we didnt like about each other from the start, from being rivals to being inseparable - we're still standing on solid ground. Despite receiving a lot of hatred, depite seeing so many envious losers trying their best to convince us how badly we fit, despite being fed with so much bullshit from strangers who knew nothing about us - we breezed through. 

Yes I admit, we've fought over so many trivial matters. We are childish, let us have our chance to grow. Yes I admit, we've screamed into each others' faces for no reason. We are impatient, give us time. 

I've heard enough of the, "Come on Nis, you deserve better. Dont settle for someone like such." I've cried enough over, "Who's the unlucky one now? You or him? Damn Nis, he must have a bucketful of patience for an egoistic, spoilt, hot-headed brat like you."

Many times we asked ourselves, "Do you want me still, although you know that we're gonna have to fight, like this, all over again? Till we die?"

And the answer is, "Yes, ultimately. I'd rather fight and cry all my life with someone who's seen enough and has every reason to leave but chose to stay instead, because I know of nobody else who can stand my whims, my mad cravings in the middle of the night or even how stupid I might sound throughout the day."

Sometimes, love is not about what suits you. Its not always right when they tell you he's not good for you, they're not always on point when they tell you she's just gonna be a sore for you. They see what you show them, and that's all. They're only gonna see the ugly fights, the tantrums and hot bitch fits. They dont feel the love, they dont get warm hugs from his thick arms, they dont smell the cologne on his chest, they dont get to play with his hair, they dont get piggyback rides on the way home, do they? They cant hear her laughter, they dont rub your back after a long day, they dont sniff on your shoulders, they dont cheekily ask for a leg massage on tough days, do they? There you go.

Hedir 💕, I will continue being a pain in your ass. At the same time, I'll keep loving you, for as long as you want me to.

#11Aug

Much love,

Nis 💋

#adrian

Bismillah.

I used to believe that I'd end my life solo. Maybe because I loved how quiet my days were. Having only my siblings to argue with, only my parents to appreciate. I used to like the idea of having a house of my own, to furnish it, make it a home. Then it struck me - its not home without family. I need to get married, and have a few junior versions of myself and my spouse. I've had a few downfalls in love, failed relationships. But I dont fully blame them, maybe its because I always have this 'I-can-do-this-on-my-own' crappy attitude in me. It could've made them feel like I am superior and self-sufficient, since I always came off strong and independent. Its like them saying, "Fine. You wanna do this alone? Here, take all this shit along with you. I'm leaving." everytime they gave up on me. I wont blame them for leaving bruises on my skin, scars deeper than my bones. If I were in their shoes having to deal with a brat like me, I'd throw myself off a cliff, really. 

But someone came along. He crushed my walls, put my guards down, and made me a girl. He worked with my fears, made me brave and bold. He never underestimated my strength, he caressed my flaws. He fed me good stuff, he filled me to the brim. I felt loved. I felt whole. 

He shared his life with me. He gave me the better half of his heart saying,

"I'll keep this other half, you can have the nicer half of my soul. The inner beast lives in here. The other half you're keeping is the angel who's gonna save you. So when we blow our tops off, when my demons scream into your head, the angel from the other half of my heart can be your saviour. So when we fight to the point where we can kill, you'll remember the love we've always had." 

He doesnt know how much I treasure his icy cold fingers intertwined with mine. He wouldnt understand if I told him I loved his hair and face. How he annoys me, how he pisses me off, pulls every strand of patience off me... this guy doesnt know how much he means to me. 

He will never know. Even if he does, he'll never understand how much. Just how much I love him, and all the shit that comes along with it.