I used to believe that I'd end my life solo. Maybe because I loved how quiet my days were. Having only my siblings to argue with, only my parents to appreciate. I used to like the idea of having a house of my own, to furnish it, make it a home. Then it struck me - its not home without family. I need to get married, and have a few junior versions of myself and my spouse. I've had a few downfalls in love, failed relationships. But I dont fully blame them, maybe its because I always have this 'I-can-do-this-on-my-own' crappy attitude in me. It could've made them feel like I am superior and self-sufficient, since I always came off strong and independent. Its like them saying, "Fine. You wanna do this alone? Here, take all this shit along with you. I'm leaving." everytime they gave up on me. I wont blame them for leaving bruises on my skin, scars deeper than my bones. If I were in their shoes having to deal with a brat like me, I'd throw myself off a cliff, really.
But someone came along. He crushed my walls, put my guards down, and made me a girl. He worked with my fears, made me brave and bold. He never underestimated my strength, he caressed my flaws. He fed me good stuff, he filled me to the brim. I felt loved. I felt whole.
He shared his life with me. He gave me the better half of his heart saying,
"I'll keep this other half, you can have the nicer half of my soul. The inner beast lives in here. The other half you're keeping is the angel who's gonna save you. So when we blow our tops off, when my demons scream into your head, the angel from the other half of my heart can be your saviour. So when we fight to the point where we can kill, you'll remember the love we've always had."
He doesnt know how much I treasure his icy cold fingers intertwined with mine. He wouldnt understand if I told him I loved his hair and face. How he annoys me, how he pisses me off, pulls every strand of patience off me... this guy doesnt know how much he means to me.
He will never know. Even if he does, he'll never understand how much. Just how much I love him, and all the shit that comes along with it.
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