January, 2015.

Its coming to an end, January.

You have been tiring. You have squeezed the last ounce of my little energy dry. You have brought me to places I never knew I could set foot on. You have separated me from the people I love most within such little time. You too have brought new souls to unite with mine. Ultimately, you have taught me precious lessons on my journey to becoming twenty.

I began the month rather peacefully. Now, I'm moments away from my fifth camp. And honestly, I am still as ecstatic as when I did my first camp with my old company back in August. For the next 3D2N, I'm about to embark on a painstaking, heartwrenching, mind-boggling journey with another group of dedicated trainers and 15 years-old campers. 

I have been tirelessly slaving myself to this job just because I am in love with the taste of self-satisfaction at the end of it. Without a doubt, I do not enjoy being away from my loved ones. 3D2N may not seem long to one, but its endless horror to another. As much I dig being able to travel to places I've never gazed upon, I do miss being in the comfort of my own bed in sweats, with the liberty of taking naps whenever I feel like it. I miss having so much free time to watch my man train at least once a week. I miss having impromptu plans with my friends for lunch and dinner or just coffee. Time was never on my side since I started working, all my plans had to be discussed days or even weeks ahead just so I make sure nothing clashes. 

Despite convincing myself of having such brilliant time allocation and organisation, I struggled with setting my priorities right. Without realising it, I was too carried away with camping day in day out, I havent set aside a day for Hamka and I, till he had to remind me he hasnt seen me for 3 close to 4 weeks. I lost track of time, I never knew my workaholic self was that stubborn to believe that I'll have the time to squeeze a humble dinner for the two of us between my off days, just before I leave again. Time can be made, of course. But energy can never be recuperated on my side. Once, he wanted to pick me up for dinner with friends a day after I broke from camp. I was still lethargic from the back-to-back camps, so I told him to proceed on without me. He asked me again before he left home and after he picked the other guys up if I really was sure on staying home for the night. Little did I know, he missed me and really hoped I changed my mind and joined them just for that night. I never took notice of the distance that was growing within us.

Its not always sunshine and rainbows in our arena. The weather has been a bitch to us, but I'm really glad we braved all the storms.

I'm just hoping he has the patience to wait for my return everytime I leave. And may God hold us even closer and tighter when He sends a hurricane as a test. Amin.